Moms

You Know You’re a Millennial Mom If…

Millennial moms are women of a new century of badassery. They have more attachments than the old vacuum cleaners door-to-door salesmen tried to unload on their parents: munchkins, pumps and the nagging patriarchy. They’re also working moms, blogger moms, yoga moms and does-everything-you-can-name moms.

Ninety percent of new mothers are millennial women, but can other generations identify them in the concrete jungle? Look closely in the mirror, and you’ll recognize some of the signs in yourself: the greedy green of avocado toast, an exposed areola with a latched baby in public or a smartphone in hand with feverish texting.

Okay, maybe that last one is basically everyone in this technological age, but don’t let that distract you. Look for the signs. You know you’re a millennial mom if:

You Grew Up Eating Grilled Cheese Sandwiches, But Now You Eat Avocado Toast — With “Fancy” Trader Joe Cheese. #SoEntitled

Grilled cheese sandwiches were one of the few things you could get up and make for yourself in the middle of the night without alerting the entire family, and you could also tout your “cooking” skills to your little siblings. Plus, no one made the cheese perfectly melty like you.

Now, you’re so entitled. Look at you, with your crunchy brown bread and fancy brie that is so gouda with avocado slathered in there. Thank goodness for Trader Joe and other affordable grocery stores that get your cheese need and avocado greed.

You Stare Down Creeps and Judgy Busybodies With Jugs Full Out and in Action: One Nursing the Baby While the Other Pumps. #MultitaskingMelonMissiles

Hiding away to breastfeed is no longer trending in the patriarchy thanks to millennial mama bears who know that nurturing their cubs is the most important thing. You’re not afraid to stare down the creeps and quote legislature from memory about your legal right to feed your child in public. You exercise your right to pump when and where you can.

You show the world that you are more than a sexual object and that your beauty comes from inside and outside. Your little cub is a direct reflection of those facts.

Plus, you’re not afraid to lead the foray into formula for convenience as a millennial mom. While many moms over 35 feel guilty about formula-feeding their babies, you don’t care about occasionally feeding your kid formula. In fact, 68 percent of millennial moms feel totally confident about feeding their babies formula 24/7.

You’re Still Paying Back Student Loans and Saving for Your Kid’s Tuition at the Same Time. #2Birds1SlowStone

Many millennial moms graduated at the height of the Great Recession, and those that followed still had to wait out the economic ramifications before getting a good job, following their dreams and starting a family. You were patient, but you didn’t sit around on your voluptuous backside, either.

You worked it out with two part-time jobs and your Etsy store. You made jam and sold it at the farmers’ market. You gritted your teeth and did all the jobs you hated so that you could support the Little Love of Your Life and achieve your bigger dreams.

You worked hard to play with your kid, pay back your student loans and start saving for their college days, too. You don’t want them to have it the same way you did. It’s two birds hit with one slow stone, but you’re making it happen, mama.

You Win the Bread, Bake the Bread, Bathe the Baby and Make Time for Self-Care. #BakeThatCake

Millennial moms work hard for their money: 70 percent of moms work — those with a kid under 18, which is largely millennial moms. You’re a breadwinner and your partner, whether male, female or non-binary, doesn’t mind staying at home. You win the bread and bake the bread — because screw gender roles, and homemade bread is tasty.

You somehow manage to bathe the baby and make time for self-care too. You recognize that your child is a central part of your identity but not your whole identity.

Your Mom Group Is on the Cloud, Yo. #MomNetFTW

Once upon a time, mom groups met in the park, at recreation centers or in other mom homes, but you don’t have time to go to other physical locations. You’re busy working your butt off. So, as any tech-savvy millennial mom would, you turn to the net for answers and ask your mom group on the cloud “What’s up?” when it comes to services and brands.

Millennial moms share info about services and purchases, from choosing a family health insurance plan to which grocery store has the best deals — just avoid the “organic” lettuce. While millennial moms do ask their moms for advice, they’re twice as likely to check the net and ask others for additional opinions: 37 percent of millennial moms use social media for parenting purposes at least once every day.

You know you’ll be a millennial memaw when you’re slathering avocado spread and cheese toast together for your grandbabies at midnight while your full grown kiddo gets shuteye when suddenly, you’re squinting at this weird psionic “screen” that appeared out of thin air.

Darned kids and their technology. Back in your day…

You were a badass millennial mom who used her fingers to text and everything.

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